10. Stress

This is how I'm feeling right now. 

Blogging in the midst of studying for my upcoming mid-test and I feel that I owe this space some explanations on why I'm neglecting it. Well, I just mange to get my Macbook! Yay :D but it also means I have to start saving up to do some clearing of debts... 

Well, I'm emotionally and physically drained. By what?

1. Family. 

The year hasn't started really well for my family. The market was excpetionally quiet, I bet not only we got affected the rest were also deeply and "silently" (literally) killed by the unexpected quietness of the cny season. Next was the health of my grandad, well thank you to those who had asked and visited my grandad, he has now returned home and have the company of my grandma. Earlier before, we attended a relative funeral. It was such a sudden news. Too sudden. We just met him to weeks back during CNY visiting at my house and never did we know that fall he had was it for him. I was there to send him off for his last journey. I never thought I would be so greatly affected by the emotions around, I couldn't help but cried and think of what would happen if someone closer to mean continue their journey else well. It's too painful.  

2. Work

Well, I would say I'm fully independent (financially) and with that saying I paid for every single thing I used, eat, utility, insurance, school etc.. And the burden is there, like really there. Plus with the shop being short-handed I couldn't really go back to my events job and I wouldn't have the heart to ask my mum for whatever pay I'm getting from my previous job - it's ridiculous. It's burden over burden. 

3. Relationship

My relationship with Brandon, was pretty on and off. We're def over the honeymoon period and the worst thing is, he being in the army makes him worry even more - I have no idea why he's worried. It's not like say I'm THAT attractive, in fact he's more attractive than I am. No guy would ever turn their backs to look at me so why worry BUT girls do turn their backs to take a second look at him. Tell me now, who should worry more? With him being sensitive on and off plus the worries I had in the mainland makes me more nerve breaking that I already am. I really wish for him to POP and get out of the 5-days-in-camp.

4. School

I started school on January and I had already submitted like say, two assignment? Done one online test, another online test coming in a few days time and an upcoming mid-test this coming Thursday plus an assignment due this coming month end, not mentioning my m9 test this on the 21st. See how long that sentence is? Yes, that's how long my march is going to be. *cross fingers* Please end it soon! Give me all your mighty will to just go through the rest of march!

This is how I look w/o my makeup. I miss sleeping. I hasn't sleep for more than 4 hrs every motherfucking single day. Please, someone tell me how this feels. I'm breaking down soon. I'm so tired but I just couldn't get to bed every single night! THIS IS SO SO SO BAD. I go to school trying so hard to stay awake - I usually knockout when I'm alone tending the shop at the front. I wonder how many customers walked in and see me alsp and the walked out not wanting to disturb me or finds me unprofessional. Come on, put yourself in my shoes. I'm really really really tired.